Wow. I am not fucking around here, folks.
Today I actually had the thought: wow well yesterday I had all these things to say on this blog but this morning I didn’t. Even though I had the time to write, more time than yesterday.
And then I thought, I’m just not even feeling the need to write, here. Why? Maybe because I feel pretty today, I feel more attractive today than I felt yesterday, so today I’m in the game. I’m in the fucking game.
All I did was wake up, throw on jeans and a tee and sandals, no makeup, no fussing around with the hair. So yeah that’s my state of mind. And I didn’t even have to buy anything.
Am I seriously thinking that if I feel pretty today, that I suddenly have nothing to say? That’s how easy it is to placate me with that shit?
And then I was approached again. By some dude. Not for a date, just because for whatever reason this local dude just has to have my attention. Just has to.
Every time I see this guy. I’m sitting alone in the cafe working, writing, drawing, thinking, and minding my own damn business. He’s sitting at some other table with his friends and recognizes me through mutual acquaintances although we don’t actually know each other. Even though I have nothing to do with their group at all, he seems to have taken a shine to me. He spontaneously barks over advice at me about where I should get up and move to sit out of the direct sun. I’m actually enjoying the direct sun so I tell him I’m perfectly fine thanks. Then for next thirty to forty-five minutes he periodically shouts stuff in my direction, like his opinion about my tee shirt to his friends, he stares at me and intentionally tries to catch my gaze, he talks over people at me even though I’m clearly disengaged. I’m not sure what the attraction is, maybe it’s because I refuse to comply with the demand to be tended to, or refuse to be gracious toward the behavior. I simply ignore it because I didn’t come here for this. I came here to enjoy myself, not to humor or entertain some guy. Then as I get up to leave he leans forward, thrusts a hand up into the air, and shouts over everyone to me, “IT’S BEEN A PLEASURE.” as I run out the door as fast as I can away from his cluelessness / dumb ass.
It’s not always about being cute, it’s about power. It’s the same old shit in the street for our whole life. That shit like: Smile, sweetie. Can I get a smile? Give daddy some attention. Smile for me. Fuck you !!! Fuck off, bro!!!
And now I’m fucking pissed off again. Leave me alone !!!
Why can’t you just leave me alone !!!
Just LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE !!!!